Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
