Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
