you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
