i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
