It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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