the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are the jesus of drinking
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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