He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
