i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
why is half of my head shaved?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
