Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
