My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
