Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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