Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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