Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
