people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
