He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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