Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
