i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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