Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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