shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
