Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I seem to have left my pride at pride
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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