I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
