Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
