a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
