I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
