So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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