New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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