K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
