an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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