it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
