a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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