I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
