She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
