Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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