oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
