He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
