Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
