K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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