this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My pussy is not your playground.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
