If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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