I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
