gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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