Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
