my vag is so smooth its legendary
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
