Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
