Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
