how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
