On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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