She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
