I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
