i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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