Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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