You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
