New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
