there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
