I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
NoShamevember. You game?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
