Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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