Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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