i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
